Don’t Rain on My Parade: Discovering & Embracing My Asexuality
A celebration of finding my true self.
A celebration of finding my true self.
BY SAMANTHA MARIER, A VOICE FROM THE FC COLLECTIVE
Samantha is an asexual 30-something Yooper living on the sacred homelands of the Anishinaabe Three Fires Confederacy. She's a university secretary by day, film festival screener by night, and a snack enthusiast 24/7. Sam's life goals include continuous dance parties in her future kitchen, and living as close to Lake Superior as possible. She loves kind goofy people, iced coffee, her Subaru, and Barbra Streisand.
I attribute discovering Barbra Streisand for many of my life’s choices, but also for helping me embrace and celebrate of my asexuality.
Although I knew of Barbra Streisand as a 90’s kid -- thanks to The Nanny and The Rosie O’Donnell Show – I really started paying attention to her during my junior year in high school. Barbra was considered talented yet unconventional: Early in Streisand’s career, she removed a letter from her name to become Barbra; she wore her own clothes, sang lyrics the way she wanted to, even asked directors to change scenes for her. She’s still considered a diva: Even today, Barbra refuses for her vision to be altered for other’s standards. The idea of being your authentic self really stuck, especially when accepting my asexuality.
During a deep conversation in our early 20’s, my best friend suggested that I might be asexual. Initially, I was revolted, as the idea of asexuality seemed so unusual. Yet, considering my history – or lack thereof-- it made sense: My senior year in high school was spent obsessing over having a boyfriend because Type A me needed this experience ASAP. So, I had a boyfriend by prom night. Fast forward two months, having never been kissed – and completely okay with it -- I ended things. In college, I refused to waste my time dating unless I was really interested in the person ... whatever that meant. I also kept my options open: If I felt a spark for someone, anyone, I should pursue it. Nothing materialized.
A few years later, I slowly recognized and accepted my asexuality. These feelings “normal” people experienced just wasn’t happening, and ya know what? That’s completely okay! Asexuals get a bad wrap because it appears we’re missing out on all the joys of a romantic/sexual relationship. And yet, who said we can’t have a deep connection with people? Or, that we can’t be sexual in our own way? Me and my vibrator are quite close. I’m fortunate to have great friendships in my little town and equally exceptional online friends from around the world. One of my life goals is traveling to the U.K. to meet all my pals from an online group called the Parlour – it’s a group literally devoted to celebrating yourself!
As a single gal in my early 30’s who makes no effort to find A Man, my family has a challenging time understanding why I choose not to date. Unfortunately, there have been times of occasional self-doubt: Is there some part of my brain turned off for sexual feelings between another person? Am I just not trying hard enough? In these moments, as cheesy as it sounds, I go back to Barbra: Would The Barbra Streisand allow other people’s opinions and societal standards dictate her life? Absolutely not! So, why should I? I am not meant to lead a life that involves a Significant Other, and honestly? I cannot wait to see how this crazy adventure turns out, naturally with many of Streisand’s albums by my side. For me, my asexuality isn’t a restriction of how I love, but a celebration of finding my true self and enjoying it, even if it’s unconventional.
Thanks, Barbra!
More About Samantha
Follow her journey on Instagram @foggymornings
